forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
