why didn't you poke me back
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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