i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I smell like Dick and happiness
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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