you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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