i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
