Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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