Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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