btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
