This girl is more easily done than said...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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