I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
