we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
