But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
