my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
