Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
