my sisters under your porch take her home
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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