My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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