she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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