What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
