you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wear drunk well.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
