So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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