trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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