I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
