Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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