Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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