don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
