I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it's like iHOP with fire
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
