Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
