I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
