I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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