Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
