we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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