before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
