I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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