wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
