I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
only if we run a train.
done.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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