At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
