Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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