mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
