So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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