I wish my penis had an off switch
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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