its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
