Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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