if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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