i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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