Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
