Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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