Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
