somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
