I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
