You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
