im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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