Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
