just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
