yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
