How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
