I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
