38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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