So drunk, too bad you don't want this
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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