Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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