I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize