exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
