does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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