Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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