My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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