Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Everyone says I win the strip club
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
