man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
