i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
