You just made me feel so damn special
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
